Contrary to rumours circulating on Reddit and despite Jess naming the festival after herself, Jesstival is very much a joint endeavour and actually a party to celebrate Matt and Jess’s anniversary (sort of…we just like a party).

Yes, and this is actively encouraged.

For security reasons, bags will be thoroughly searched by our security team (Scout). We strictly enforce a "premium snacks" policy. Substandard crisps will be confiscated and eaten by Scout.

It is a grueling 15-second trek from the Main Stage (the studio decking) to the Rolf Harris stage. Please hydrate properly and wear sensible footwear.

Please view lineup tab.

Yes. Please do not bring your own or attempt to forage on the grounds.

Our sprawling Food Village features a highly curated, farm-to-paper-plate menu. If you require hyper-specific dietary accommodations, please fuck off.

Unlike lesser festivals, Jesstival boasts an exclusive, indoor, climate-controlled ‘VIP shitter’ featuring actual running water, a porcelain seat and premium underfloor heating. Please respect the facilities and do not steal the Aesop soap.

Don’t worry Jess booked an Etsy witch.

Yes. We take Lost & Found very seriously. Lost items are carefully assessed, admired, and, if sufficiently valuable, held at Christopher and Dickie’s and sold online.

Yes. Whether it gets played depend entirely on how much our DJs like you.

Yes. “Valet parking” consists of finding somewhere on the street and hoping for the best. John Torode loves it when you park outside his house.

Of course. Just remember where you live.

No. Jesstival operates a strict “no refunds, no exchanges, no emotional support policy.

Please report to the Medical Tent where you will be prescribed a cup of concrete and instructed to harden the fuck up.

Yes. Unlimited tap water is available throughout the festival because we’re a premium event.

We prefer to call it neighbour-engagement.